#this is forty

Sometimes, more often than before, I have the feeling there’s more in life than this. This, as in what I have right now. There is of course a strong correlation between these type of thoughts and my age. Which by the way is forty (+2).The older I get the more I feel I have still many things to accomplish. Or, that I have to move on. Or rather move out. Out of my comfort zone that is.

And here I am paralysed by the thought to not become the creative person I’d like to be. I could be. And it scares the shit out of me that I have become my worst enemy. Hindering myself, getting in my way. I don’t know where to start, and am too impatient to elaborate my ideas. According to an article I read recently, this should be the perfect time to begin.

Some people might be tempted to label this a mid-life crisis. This is not the case: Honestly, it is not. It is about the urge to live a full life. To be able to squeeze the lemon until last drop of juice – even until there is not any more zest – so that you know for sure that you used all the chances (= juice drops) you were given well. And that you looked for – and found some of the even more hidden opportunities that lie under rocks.

So while trying to figure out what to do to add to the fulfillment of one’s life project frustration builds up. Energy that should have been spent on being innovative rather goes into managing the state of mind, along with the rest of everyday activities. And once frustration gets a hold, it is sometimes like an avalanche attack and a whole arsenal of things in life feels not-up to par. Then it is time to put both feet on the ground. Get some perspective – maybe by first zooming out and ask where are you in this big-big world? In this scheme called life.

Healthy – check. Married – check. Kids –check. Job – check. Roof-over-your-head – check. Ebola, Syria, poverty, water shortage and hurricanes – none of those threats are in your vicinity or imminent for you. So why the hell are you frustrated? Why am I frustrated? Cause I know I could do better. I could do more. Or simply, because I have everything else. Because I take things for granted. Because I have the luxury to think. Something that some several billion in this world don’t have. So, I’m spoiled.

And this is where I take a more close-up look at my everyday-life – the 5-year old stroking my hair and asking if I’m are alright, telling me “I love you mum”. I think of the really nice wine I enjoyed drinking last night, and the metro leaving on time. And here I take a deep breath. One that lets me get rid of stress and anxiety (and frustrations). One that lets me acknowledge the luck I have not to leave in fear, to be free, educated and and not to hunger. I take a deep breath and thank the universe for that.

After that deep breath it’s good to become creative at least in the kitchen. This adds to the psychological feeling of equilibrium.

There is a recipe for Skillingsboller (‘Schilling’ Buns ) a typical Norwegian treat. Bake these buns. While waiting for the dough to grow you get some time to calm down in a slow way. A glass of red wine adds to that. After the buns are done – share them with someone you care for.

And it is only after getting into some sort of balance again you can start pondering again about how to extend your life project.

#the devil is the keeper of all details

While looking out for the small things in life might sound like a good strategy, it takes away all possibilities for being pleasantly surprised, or rather not (in life). So if you’re a damn good orchestrator of things and lists, it helps  reducing the risk of surprises, be they good or bad.

While some surprises are pleasant, those planned by the devil are generally not. Messing up with him (such a personality, we assume can only be male) usually ends up in big trouble. But why does it always have to be this way?

While some of us love being detail-addicts, others just prefer to see the big picture. They disguise getting lost in the detail. They see the forest but can’t identify single trees, whereas the first group is soo much focused on the trees, they live totally unaware of the forest’s existence.

Digging deep into detail and bathe in all the single – especially difficult elements – of an issue? It is truly difficult to humor someone with such inclinations. But is it better to insist  on keeping the wider picture at hand? When interacting with people who have a slight myopic approach – is the best approach to go along with it? When the working culture is based on managing and surviving today by getting lost in details, while the vision, the bigger picture, drowns, gets out of sight, is it worth standing up/out and make the point, or do we just go along, hoping for a better tomorrow?

But let’s return to the (d)evil. Sometimes missing a detail can become the root of a big problem. But at the same time one’s not really efficient and effective when giving meaning and importance to every single detail. Which ones do we need to pay attention? What is the real impact of ignoring details in our daily life? Of course – forgetting your wedding anniversary can be quite bad, especially if the other party has put a lot of effort in celebrating it. Sending an email at work by mistake to the wrong person, thanks to auto-complete, can have consequences depending on the content and receiver of the message.

So even if we are mostly tuned into seeing the overall situation – having the details more or less intact in the back of our heads – what would be the direct benefits for us to sit down and take in, assess and act according to each facet of an issue? The world around us would probably at first be a bit astonished – but would it also increase the trust in us in being good observers? After all, wasn’t this the success of Sherlock Holmes? There were no trivial details for him. But he didn’t spend too much time in analysing details. He was just self-aware and was noticing details, putting them together to see the bigger picture.  No time wasted in over-analysing details. Analysis, paralysis they say.

So maybe the devil is not the keeper of all details but our sub-conscience. Ourselves.

Maybe by becoming more self-aware we manage to pay the attention each detail deserves, while making sure that it fits, that it helps us seeing the bigger picture in life, at work, and in our relationships. And when things go wrong occasionally, when a detail or two is being ignored and it eventually leads to catastrophe, we can still put the blame on the devil. Because he keeps all details after all.